I am NOT enough.

You know what I discovered?  I am NOT enough.

I went to bed late last night, talking things over with my husband about plans for the Homestead. I looked at his computer on the big screen, trying to imagine what he had in mind, his plan for our future. But, I was not enough. I didn't see everything the way it could be....even though I tried. As my wonderful husband's wife and partner in life, I was not enough.

Because I went to bed late, I was particularly weary of getting up with the kids early this morning. I'm not quite as young as I used to be, and 5 to 6 hours just doesn't seem to be enough! I really tried to be there for them, but I was tired and cold....and not enough. To bright-wide-eyed kids at 5am, I was not enough.

Later, while doing dishes with my teenage daughter, I completely failed at explaining to her how important it is to live life the way God wants us to live it, not how we want to live it. Maybe that wasn't quite the conversation we were having, but that didn't stop me from trying to encourage her....and yet not being enough. I really was trying, headache and all, and was not enough. 

Since it's New Year's Eve, I decided to go all out and make several typical Mexican meals to serve, and let people choose what they wanted. That always plays out differently in my head....but having 7 people to make a meal for and let them choose isn't always the best idea. Juggling hungry kids who really just want to go to bed makes it even worse. I wasn't enough. Not even close. 

I seem to never be enough. Is it just me? 

Not enough of a wife, not enough of a mother, not enough of a daughter, not enough of a friend. Certainly not enough of any of them together, at any given time. 

Then I start wondering....am I meant to be enough? Was I created to be enough? 

No. I was created to glorify God, even in my weakness. I was created to be made complete in Him, to be enough, in Him. 

So based on this alone, I think I can rewrite this blog....and put the focus where it should be. 

I went to bed late, trying to be a good wife and life partner to my husband. Was I enough? It doesn't matter. God is. He took my broken attempts, at made it into an opportunity to bless my husband. 

I didn't want to get up early with the kids this morning because I was tired from the night before. Was I enough? Really, it doesn't matter. I was up. God used what I brought to the table, and used it to bless my little bright-wide-eyed kids as I cuddled with them on the recliner. 

I felt like I completely failed with life conversations with my teenage daughter....because I felt like I wasn't enough. So I gave up my "not enoughness" and God IS. God is enough, more than enough.

Supper? Everyone ate. I think. Everyone thought it was good, and even though we sat on couches instead of a nicely decorated table like I had envisioned, I was not enough, but God was. God IS. 

So next time I sit and start feeling sorry for myself because I'm not enough, just tell me: Cheer up, Sharon. It's true. You're not enough. 

And you know what? That's okay with me, because God IS. 

Happy 2015. May it be filled with millions of God is ENOUGH. Even more than enough.